Where has the time gone? Frankly I really don’t know. It’s been a whirlwind since Thanksgiving really. Not the busy kind of stuff, more of the internal contemplation stuff.
I’ve tried numerous times to come up with a blog post of some sort, and found that I’ve sat in front of the computer screen staring at the blinking cursor because the words just wouldn’t flow. The last thing I wanted to write about is my normal day, washing laundry, making sure dinner’s on the table at a reasonable hour, etc.
In January, Life Book started over at Willowing, which has just been an amazing blessing for me. It’s a year long course with some amazing teachers. As I’ve completed each lesson, I found myself internalizing a lot of things.
Celebrating my Goddess Super Powers (week 1)
Mainly I’ve been searching out the internal balance I’ve long since misplaced. It makes me wonder what changed within myself to allow my internal balance to be replaced with this feeling of being lost. Why had I not noticed that this precious balance was slowly slipping away from me?
There are just so many things that I want to do an accomplish in my life, and yet I find that the lack of motivation rather disturbing. Not only has this lack seeped into my creative energy, it’s starting to creep back into how I take care of myself. Since May of 2010, I’ve lost 50 pounds through paying attention to what I eat and exercising more. But since Thanksgiving, I’ve noticed that I’ve been turning to food again for that comfort. Which is very frustrating for me and I’ve kicked myself for it.
I’ve been doing art. Not nearly as much as I want to on a daily basis, but I’m getting there. I’ve been completing each of the Life Book lessons as well as practicing some other art techniques (I’m still working on perfecting acrylic transfers). I have numerous ideas as to what I want to create. But I sit down to work on something and end up drawing a blank. But Life Book has been helping, I have slowly felt the little hints of the balance within.
So I will continue on, slowly peeling away all the numerous layers within until I find that balance. I hope that with each layer, I’ll rediscover who it is I truly am and maybe one day finally accept myself and all my imperfections.