I’m learning to be just as the title states… BIG and FEARLESS.
I’ve been wanting to join Connie over at Dirty Footprints Studio and her FEARLESS painting tribe forever! Ever since I saw the videos she created of her Wreck This Journal (I highly recommend watching all of her videos and visiting her site!). Since that day I had been hooked on the FEARLESS painting process and wanting to learn more about it, but I was never in the position to join her BIG tribe until recently. She just released BIG as a self guided course which fits perfectly with my sporadic and flighty personality. I’d be able to work on it in my own time and at my own pace. Well so far I’ve been keeping up with the weekly tasks (I’m currently working on week 2).
Even before I started my week 1 exercises, I had a huge revelation that left me emotionally raw that week. I was reading what Connie had to say on fear and how to spot our fear gremlins. I was just over come with emotion because I realized that my own fear gremlin had his grubby little fingers wrapped around every aspect of my life, not just artistically. Though I was emotionally raw, I felt better about starting that weeks task. So I went to my studio (really the bedroom but who cares) and got to work.
Hubby asked if it was my interpretation of Starry Night
Honestly, it could very well be.
I was in the middle of my last exercise when I had this very strong urge to go back to my very first one. It was one of those urges where you just had to do that one thing or it would totally ruin your day. Or you were taking your last breath and your last end all be all action was to do this one thing. Yeah it was THAT strong.
And of course after I had finished doing that one thing, I looked at it as it was drying and almost panicked. The instructions and videos were very clear on what to do and here I had added something that wasn’t even supposed to be added. I was starting to get upset with my self, when I just set it aside, hid it under my other paintings from that day and decided it is what it is and I was going to be done with it. So what if it wasn’t supposed to be done that way. It’s how I felt it needed to be finished so I went with it. I did it, internalized it, then let it go. I decided then and there I wasn’t going to worry about it. I was just going to do.
Just be free and true
18 inch by 24 inch watercolor paper
So here’s to week 1 of BIG, the FEARLESS tribe, and to learning to love the fear that creeps into life on a regular basis. Because let’s face it, if it wasn’t for that fear gremlin, we wouldn’t learn to push past and grow.